A NEW CHAPTER

25 November 2017 Birmingham, UK


I've finally found a job I'm very excited to sink my teeth into and also something that is very much routed in my heart. Menswear has been, and always will be, my passion and it's something I plan on chasing to the ends of the earth. Which is why i'm SO happy to share with you all that I've been offered a new role as an Assistant Designer! This new chapter of my life could spark big change and it's something I'm really excited for. I'll have my evenings back, and also my weekends (so I can spend time with my nearest and dearest) and hopefully start to feel a little more self-fulfilled. It's easy to become 'comfortable' with your current situation and it's something I've very much experienced. 

Stepping outside the world that is retail is a daunting prospect, especially when it's something i've unfortunately become very used to. When I posted my 'where have I been?' post a lot of you responded and said that I shouldn't feel alone when sitting in a bit of a life rut and after that response, I most definitely felt supported by all of you so thank you, from the bottom of my heart. However, it left me wondering what other contributing factors also added to my delicate mental state at that time. 


As I said, it's daunting stepping outside my comfort zone or something i'm used to, but it's a challenge  and one i'm more than willing to face. For SO long I have craved routine and working in retail has in no way helped that. For days, months, weeks I have craved what would seem to many as a normal life; working Monday - Friday 9-5 or at least working more regulated hours so I can plan my free time more efficiently. 

That factor ties heavily into my personal life and also my mental health. For so long after I finished university, I worked scattered shifts and the little free time I had, didn't align with anybody else's, which is why I have craved so much for change. 

I've worked SO hard to make this happen and I'm suuuuper excited to start what could potentially be a new chapter of my life. I very much looking forward to sharing some of that chapter with you all and seeing where this adventure takes me but for now, wish me luck! 

Are any of you starting a new job soon? Or have you recently started a new position? I'd love to hear from any of you in a similar position!

Charlotte

A FATHER-LESS ADULTHOOD

16 November 2017


Personal content is always tricky but this is something i've wanted to write about for a while. With that said, I'm certain there's probably plenty of other people who are in the same situation or have had similar experiences. Just a quick note - don't get me wrong, I'm not here for sympathy, I simply wanted to talk about my own experience. Maybe you'll find some familiarity or maybe you'll find something you're unaffected by - either way I really appreciate you taking the time to read this post, if you manage to last the whole hog!

Since the age of 18, I've been without a father figure. In terms of time, when you think about it, that's not that long ago. I'm now 23 and it's become very normal to live in the situation i'm in. I don't question anything anymore, I just go on with life as everybody else would. The main thing i've noticed from all of this is my emotional walls. Those walls have grown another six or so feet and they're a lot harder to break down than they ever were before. If you get to know me as a person, I most likely come across very confident and outgoing. I'm outgoing, in the right situation, but on the inside, i'm as soft as anything. Honestly, the best comparison I can come up with of my inner-self would be to the composition a cookie. I appear to have a hard exterior but, on the inside i'm doughy and a bit flimsy. I hope you guys understand what I mean? Im very much aware it's a bit of a weird comparison but it's the best my mind can come up with at this point!

The whole thing has really affected my relationships - whether it be with myself, friends or my boyfriend. It takes me that bit longer to feel comfortable and put trust into people again. When you've been let down by someone close to you I think it's really natural for that to happen, regardless as to who it is. On this occasion however, as it was someone that bit closer, it affected me that bit more and again added to my reservations when it came to forming bonds with people. Being let down by one of the people who is supposed to support you the most in life really does start to chisel away at your self-confidence as well as your confidence in other people. 


BUT, believe it or not, there's actually some positive things that have come from the situation. Let's start with my relationship with my Mom (and yes, I say mom not mum) for example. Over the years, we've grown a lot closer and it's something I'm really grateful of. I look back and think 'did I really need to tell her that?' on SO many occasions, but i'm so glad i've opened up to her a whole lot more. 

The words of wisdom that she's given me are some that i'll never forget and hopefully some that i'll be able to share with my family someday. It sounds awful but, i'm almost grateful that things have turned out the way they have for us. Without these occurrences, we wouldn't have the relationship we do today. Don't get me wrong, we still have our moments but, i'm forever grateful to have such a selfless person to call my Mom. 

As well, despite feeling those knock backs, I feel like it's also made my skin a little thicker. As much as I shouldn't, I expect to be let down by people - I expect the worst so to speak. I think that way, you become stronger in yourself and try to let things affect you less. Of course the above is something that i'd like to change but that's something that'll probably happen more and more as time goes on. 







Charlotte
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